DMV + 3.5 month old

aka, how I spend my winter break.

Currently, there is 1 week separating me from J-Term (short term) and then spring semester and then graduation.

So, like all good moms (or at least crappy moms playing at being good), I’m rushing to get errands done. Good news: I have a new car and it runs and it’s red! Bad news: it’s a minivan, so now I have a mom car. But, I named it Rubina after the red dragon I had created in my mind for me to ride when I was a kid and readย Eragon for the first time. I am the Mother of Dragons after all.

Anyway, because I’m the Mother of Dragons, I like to attempt the impossible. To quote Han Solo, I never ask that question until after I’ve done it.

Time: early morning. Place: DMV. Scenario: Plate transfer from defunct Jetta to Rubina. Characters: Me, 3.5 month old Crow, several DMV officials.

By the time I pull into the Expectant Mothers & Families With Small Children parking spot, I’ve already called the city Treasurer to sort out the property tax mix-up. It’s rainy and miserable out. I get out of the car and begin wrapping my nice woven wrap around me because by the gods I am NOT about to hold my baby for however long the wait at the DMV is.

A security officer is staring at me as I do it. I’m weirded out, but, whatever. Then he comes outside and tells me I’m in a police only parking spot. I double-check the signs: nope, the police officer spot is next to me, I’m in the right one. I smile and say no, I’m not. He again (without looking at the signs, say I am. I proceed to get Crow out of the car and start tying her in the wrap. I explain that I’m in a spot for families with small children and this is my child and she is small. The officer stares. I shut the door, flash a grin, lock my car, and stride past.

The check-in lady informs me there’s still a stop by the treasurer. She issues me a ticket anyway, I sit down, and call the treasurer. They call my number whilst I’m on the phone, but I dutifully ignore it and continue trying to get my stop removed since I have the confirmation number. The treasurer’s office is surprisingly polite and helpful and they get it taken care of. I go back to check in, I get back in the queue, I go to the window. Things proceed smoothly. I gather up my stuff and head to the bathroom to change Crow before I leave.

The DMV–the same place that has a dedicated parking spot for pregnant women and little kids–does not have a changing table in their bathroom. I walk out and glare a little at the security officer as I leave. It’s still raining. I open the door opposite the car seat, and proceed to change her diaper. It’s poopy. It’s cloth. I left the changing pad at home. Because of course I did. I take it off, I wipe her up, and then proceed to prep the new diaper (because who would prep it first? I mean, that’s ridiculous). She pees. Because of course she does. I take a wipe and clean her up. I go back to the diaper and bring it toward her. She pees even more. Because of course she does. I pull off her now peed on shirt, wipe her off, wipe down the (thankfully) leather seat, and swiftly encase her in a diaper. Achievement unlocked!

I buckle her in the carseat, grab the plates, and the screwdriver. It’s still raining. I discover that Rubina’s screws are Phillips head. I brought a flat-head. Because of course I did. Not willing to be deterred, I manage to attach the plates. The first security guard calls over another security guard and they come outside and are looking at me and talking to each other. I go to get in the car. They come to look at the sign and back at me. Pissed at the idea that they think I parked there when I shouldn’t, I get out and pointedly go open up the door by Crow to “check” that she’s buckled in correctly. Then I leave.

However, I did all that, set up an appointment for inspection and oil change, and went to the bank and got home before 1pm. And even got my daughter down for a nap. And got a nap myself. And then folded all the clean laundry. Just took a load of Crow laundry out of the dryer, put my flannel sheets in the dryer, and a load of our clothes in the washer. Waiting for that round to finish so I can put diapers in before bed.

I believe in 6 impossible things before bed?

A Time Between Times

I consider sacred space and ritual to be a time between times, and a world between worlds. Kind of like the the Wood Between Worlds inย The Magician’s Nephew.

That’s what labor was for me.

It was the most pain I’ve ever been in: back labor is a bitch. Contractions started feeling like the worst menstrual cramps on steroids shortly before I began leaking amniotic fluid at 2:30am, but they swiftly enveloped my lower back and sleep really didn’t happen at all. I attempted to distract myself with Two Towers at a more reasonable hour and made it to Helm’s Deep when I had to switch over to an Enya playlist for something more relaxing.

My midwife and birth team were amazing. Everything is both a blur and lasted forever that day, and I couldn’t have done it without my birth team, my partner, my mother, or my sister. I couldn’t tell you who all did what, except based on pictures that I have.

I didn’t get the water birth I’d hoped for. I did spend time laboring in the pool and am ridiculously grateful for that. When I got in, I said something to the effect of “maybe I won’t die after all.” It did help me relax (though not dull the pain) enough to get little cat naps in, which my body needed. But, the fear of it slowing things down when I started pushing (reason is not necessarily strong with me when I labor, it would seem) kept me from going back into it.

I am so grateful for the options I had: ball, pool, walking, birth stool, shower, etc. I’m fairly certain I used almost everything, and I would have told you beforehand that the birth stool at least was unnecessary.

The day both took forever and flew by. I had no conception of time during the day. At one point I realized it had gotten dark, and I wasn’t really sure when that happened. I did start to notice that they had lit candles all around me as the room darkened, however, and I am glad that I had my fire there.

So many times I felt like giving up. I wanted it to stop and go back and not continue, but, I knew I didn’t have a choice. At one point I did break down and ask my midwife if there was anything I could do for my back pain, and the herbs she gave me seemed to satisfy me enough.

I did try very hard to not say “no” during labor, to keep my pitch low (personal goal of not sounding like a Nazgul was met), to not cry, and to not say “I can’t.” There were tears, and I did say “no” and “I can’t do this” a handful of times, but, for the most part, I think I was successful with maintaining at least a semblance of positivity. I was convinced, though, at several parts, that it wasn’t working and the baby wasn’t going to come out, but, again, reason wasn’t always prevailing. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I managed not to panic when I heard my midwife ask for the neonatal kit, and I kept my focus on doing exactly what I was told. Which was good: baby appreciated switching positions. They talked me into reaching down and feeling the head before it came out, and apparently that was enough to convince me that I actually *could* push the baby out, and we got down to business, and I didn’t tear. Kid came out sideways, too.

It took a little bit to ground after, as I lay on my living room floor with my head in my partner’s lap and our child on my chest. I kept saying, half in shock, half in awe, “I have a baby”, and even questioned it a little with an air of “how did I do this?”

2:30am to 9:11pm isn’t bad. The rest of the night flew by: it took 2 more hours before my dad arrived (he drove to VA from ME), but I don’t know what really happened during that time, other than at some point I delivered my placenta, then had the cord cut, and then made it into bed (which was far comfier than my floor).

I’ve always loved sacred space and ritual, but, I think that labor has increased my appreciation and understanding for the concept of timelessness.

We are star stuff, and it was magic, and I am a warrior.

Hello, World

I haven’t posted in forever. It’s been awhile. A lot has happened. A lot is happening. I’m still trying to figure everything out.

Apparently I last posted in February? Damn.

To sum up, I finished the semester, made Dean’s List, had a birthday, had my first anniversary, finished Dragon Age: Origins, started a second play-through (as a human, so I can be queen), went to a religious retreat, still haven’t finished that cross-stitch piece, and had my best friend/sister move to Korea.

As for right now, I’m in the middle of the costume design for CABARET, still pregnant, and trying to maintain a semblance of order in my life. I’m a little more successful with the first two. Oh, and I started playing SW:TOR since I’m slightly grumpy with Turbine/LOTR:O right now.

July is half over, practically, and most of my time will be taken up with CABARET, and that’s okay.

I think, though, that for August, I will really try to focus on doing at least 15 minutes of coding, at least 15 minutes of Irish, and at least 15 minutes of writing a day. It’s not a lot, it’s very bite-size. I’ll also be very pregnant.

I need to get back into the self-care routine. Time to light some candles… and time to decide what I’m going to do…

Mish-Mash

We’ve had at least 8″ of snow over the past day and a half. It’s gorgeous, and the days off from work/school were rather enjoyable. Unfortunately, I lazed too much and am now behind on my homework. >_> Yay? Not yay.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and speaking with my partner, and have determined that, at least on our end, I’ll be able to attend this spiritual retreat in June. However, I am still waiting to hear back from the group: I emailed them about their payment plan on Sunday, and haven’t heard anything… they say patience is a virtue. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’ve been playing a lot of Hearthstone, lately. I have almost all the Basic cards for all the classes. I’m really enjoying the Paladin.

I tried to play some Bayonetta, but the camera moves the opposite way of pretty much every other game, and it was pissing me off. So, back to Dragon Age playthrough — headed off to the Chantry and gathered Wynne, to Morrigan’s dismay. Just want to get the Fade bumped out so we can move on and pick up Zevran. My plan is to fuck Zevran, and then break up with him and woo Alistair. My goal is Queen of Ferelden. Anora won’t know what hit her…

I haven’t crafted in awhile, but, I’ve been slowly doing some art stuff and costume sketches. And learning about lighting systems for theatres. It makes my head hurt, but, I think I’m finally starting to get it.

And listening to 1989 a lot.

Blegh

I’ve been feeling kind of crappy lately, so, life has been dragging. I haven’t been accomplishing nearly as much as I want to be, but, I suppose taking it slow is sometimes okay. I’m eating better, for the most part, at any rate.

I finished short term, and am still trying to convince myself January is over. I learned a lot, from actual wilderness survival skills, to applying them to real life. In ways that boggle my mind at times. My fire making skills are much improved, though.

Yesterday we celebrated Imbolc/Disting with the Norse celebration of the Charming of the Plow. We blessed some trowels and other tools, including my sewing machine, for the year ahead. I had great plans for a garden this year, but, other circumstances (namely Spawn) decided to take precedence, and I know which battles to fight. Gardening whilst 7 months pregnant is not one of them. Even so, I have a little basil plant and I can put it in a pot, so, that’s *something* at least. I will need to replace my aloe plant — poor thing got frostbite. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Last semester of my junior year starts on Wednesday… it’s been yeeeeaaars in the making, but, I’m glad to be almost there.

There’s a lot I’m thinking, but, I’m not quite ready to put to paper yet. So, there you have it. I’ll write more about gaming and art stuff soon, though!

Finding time

Time is hard, because I’m so exhausted lately, and I just don’t feel like doing stuff. Sigh.

I did get my new MacBook Pro with retina display on Wednesday, though, and I’m slowly setting it up/getting used to the OS. I keep having to remind myself there’s only one mouse button and that there is no Windows button. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Still, it’s *super* fast, especially compared to my Acer. Blender and GIMP downloaded in record time. I’m taking a look at other programs as well, in lieu of the super-expensive-but-I-really-really-want-them programs, and getting ready to start working through some tutorials and getting really familiar with the programs. I’ve used GIMP as a photo-editor, but not as an actual art type program, so, this will be new for me. I am super excited, though! Actual progress toward concept art/costume design/game development here. ๐Ÿ™‚

I also started back up with Codecademy and am taking a break from JavaScript to dig into Ruby. I feel like Ruby makes a lot more sense to me than JavaScript, so, I’m not feeling as frustrated with it–not that booleans are a complete walk in the park, though. Python is next on my list, since Blender uses Python to code animation sequences.

I’m still waiting for the Imbolc stitchery from Owl to get here, but there was some sort of fiasco with the mail. I’m very impatient, and very sad. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ In the meantime, I’m working on a little sampler I picked up at JoAnn’s.

And now… time to get back toย Bayonetta and see how it goes!

Things Change

Well, I will not be doing 12 hikes in 12 months this year. See, I somehow got infested with Spawn and thus am knocked up. However, since I don’t want to detract from me, if you are interested in following the development of Player 3, you may do so HERE, and I will keep on keeping on here as before.